My Neverland

A circle closing in fast
Differences relived from the past
Serenity in a tight shut jar
Meander in our fields from afar.

A sun dipping low in the river
Crystals fall on every step closer
Boats glide on to neither there or here
Senses shut down and they whisper a prayer.

And its in Neverland I used to hum
My little, forgotten tune
A snag in the time-space continuum
Now the memory lies in ruin.

Holiday it is not....

Desks and lights,
Casts and mice,
Musical delights,
Christmas!

Inscribed skin
All in a bin
The devil and my sin
Disappear.

Motley Crue and Dr. Dre
Make haste while it's day
A wide and cutely dimpled face
I dream.


"Thouroughly and utterly bored. That should explain this piece of nonsense. =D

Merry Christmas Everyone..."

Breathing Now

Like the sun that radiates innocence at dawn

Like the purity of fresh, unabated pain

Like the first steps to an unconditional faith

Like the roads that take you home

You.

A dress with a tear that only you can see

A mistletoe waiting for a new, wet kiss

A broken kaliedoscope - unused

A bird that's forgotten to sing

This world that's trying to breathe.

And I fear I've forgotten to dream

The mist strays too low

And I can see you holding your hand out

Way too far

And I said I'd never compromise

I misjudged

And I wished for a happy ending

When I flung myself over a steel rail.

But now I'm flying

Would you like to fly with me?

Junkie Love

Losing breath and gaps of insight

Mighty love and slight disguise

Your wondrous smile and my misdemeanour

Empty words and an easy conscience.

On his weary sabbatical

The junkie meets the boy

Truth falling through

A life sentance!

Addicted to pretences

Nicotine, coke, love, vengeance

Hiding from a dimming light

Long live music.

Come back to where it all began

Experimenting, falling, saving

Lie after lie of cool deception

Hate after drugs after love.

Are we all gonna make it?

I hope not.

Fate is just too small a word for what we are stuck in.

Temporary Overdose on Life and its Lessons

The principal contention holds out
That neither you or I or them
Are equppied with any sense
Of chivalry or honour or atleast courtesy
That might not for even a second
Suggest mockery of an insidious kind.

Life springs upon us the best and the worst
The warm and the cold
The cute and the ugly and the pretty
And then the nightmares and a not much better reality.

And it's hard to make a distinction
Draw a line
Make meaning out of a hapless situation
Where do our loyalties lie?

I know that nothing lasts
I know that mortality reigns
But I also know that these tears are real

What do we live for?

A Blue Evening

A full moon's light cast its slippery blanket upon us
And there were fireworks and a thundering rhythm of drums...



Lips travelling down my neck
Your breath making its way to me
A possessive arm around my waist
While the other roamed free.
And right then, time was lost
Two identities dissolving into one
And life ceased to mean anything much
Other than your love, other than THIS now.



You fill me with a desire that I didn't know I possessed
My thirsty soul could drown happily in your arms
A frenzy art of limbs and blur
Colors vibrate in the moist atmosphere.


And there are nights you rob me of my sleep
Dreams of rapture, your skin against a burning mine
Misty eyed I wake - waiting, hoping, dreaming
For it's your arms I seek, your touch I need.



And I wish I could say I've figured you out
But everytime I get comfortable
Your leg slyly steps in, tripping me
And I fall obligingly all over again...

enlightening conversations...

kutti : kinky depends upon the kinker...

me : kinker!?!

kutti : kinker is the person who performs the kinky....

me : aahh!

....................................

Anonymous

i want to fade into the nothingness

that is amnesia.

erase the mistakes. write over them.

or get a mask.

i

am tired of waiting

for things to happen to me.

i

want to break

free.

hide and then seek

you.

i need a new name

so they cant trace their lives

back to me or us or them.

but

here i am

waiting

like a tree

thats stuck to the ground

and can only reach for the sky

that's always

going to be a tad too outta reach.

fuck.

Dreaming On

I wish I lived in a trailer
With pretty yellow curtains
And a clean silver sink.
With a bunk bed of two levels
And a radio right next to it.

I would park it on a low lying hill
And when I peer out of my window
I'll see a tiny pond
With ducks, bullfrogs and blue lotuses.

I would travel all day through muddy, matted roads
To see the forests and the frost.
At night, I'll come back to my little hill
To wait for you to drop in.

It'll be like playing "house" like we did -
When we were young.
You can be Daddy and I'll be Ma.
Or you could be the Prince
Courting the Princess
Rescuing the damsel in distress. =)

Sigh.
I wish I lived in a trailer
I'd paint it green and yellow
And I'd fly it to the moon and back
And I'd take you with me as well.

Introspect

Quite. Still.

Lost. Restless.

Within my little world.

And many have trodeen in and out.

And many have left. And many pushed to leaving.

And still some have stayed. Few. Rare.

I open my little diary. Pink. Again.

I know your regrets. I've carried them once.

And there's so much of shame. And there's so much of guilt.

And very little love. Be quiet. Be still.

I share my little heart. You. Here.

I know your touch. I know your taste.

And there's so much to give. So much to live for.

And time seems to be running away. Loud. Restless.

My heart.

Cross my heart and...

So I'm underwater this minute
Flowing along the undecided current
Stomach churning, eyes stinging
It's all blue, salty and well... blue.

And I'm walking along our road
Head bowed to the ground, watching for footprints
Snapshots of our love among the white and yellow flowers
And the scent will always - ALWAYS - haunt.

Now I lay in my neverland
I've dreamt of lying on this patch of grass
With music floating between us
And the kind of silence that's nice.

Right then I was flying
With the wings that you solemnly put on my shoulders
And I pretended I'm an angel
Hoping you are secretly watching.


But here I sit in my vacant corner
Listening for the bell
Hoping for the best, Ignoring the rest
Missing you the most...

Chemical Compound

Inched closer
With every syllable
We part with turned faces
Every note
Every chord
Of fragmented thought
Disfigures.

Time stood still
In that one tiny secret moment
I felt my heart jump
Shocked into motion
I wonder if you even noticed...
Probably not
A figment of sultry imagination...
The sun faintly taunts.

I could wish you into being
Right next to me
Inside me
Around me
Protected
Surpassing my expectations
That wither and grow
With passing moments.

But
You ARE here
Forever
Wherever
Doesn't really matter.

De Nouveau Part 1

I was so tired right then... Of all the searching and the waiting and most of all, of all the running... My legs cramping up, muscles a hard knot, all I wanted was to sit down... But I HAD to find her!!!

She had disappeared so slyly and I didnt even realise how I was standing there, listening to a disoconnected silence... Not that it wasn't silent when she was around but we were so comfortable, sharing our minds like clothes ; our bodies managed to keep us apart only that much after all... We used to laugh at all the crummy people who wanted to be our friends and we would lead them on, till we got tired of them... Discarding them, like used toys... And I remember the emptiness crashing around me had been deafening, when she left, and I wondered if I should scream out or maybe kick a stone or cut my wrist or something... That would piss her off... =)

But she wasn't coming back and I had to hunt her down right? Striding down stinky streets, or running up a lonely hill, all I found was my deflating hope and more than anything I wanted to know how she could possibly stay away when I was slowly fading without her?

Of long days and insomniac nights

I've been sitting still for so long, the light around me has changed color four times already, from a happy blue to a dull blue to a sad blue to a downright gloomy blue... The day is longer than it should be allowed to be and I'm just done making up a shabby itenerary for the day... How I hate my own company when it's being forced down on me!!!

Volatile phases and drab metaphors
The world's gone but you're still here....

Why???

Cul De Sac

Faintly this pulse thuds along

Ignoring the humdrum, the push and pull

The apocalyptic lull that's creeping

Into a heart that's being held at ransom

By your placid eyes, your hearty laugh

Your achingly charming loyalty

That stays...

Surreal, this sky that envelops

Us in its moody shroud

Sullen at times, joyous at times

But always -

Omniscient

Watching us as we go about

Staging our myriad plays

As we go astray

Only to come back

Gullible and gay....

Thank You For Your Time

I keep wondering

What is it that you could possibly want

That I cannot give?

I want to know

Where I can find my soul

Complete and whole

Unscarred.

I hope

The world learns to unlearn

And then sit back

To watch the magic unfold.

I wish

I could sing without your shame.

I dream

Of nights

When I wont have to leave.

I need

Your presence

Your promise

Your protection.

I want

To be as free as a bird

To love without guilt

To be just me.

Stoned

Have you ever had the lights talking to you?
They tell me I've outgrown my worn out appearance
That i am bigger than me and smaller (much smaller) than this ego
And i could scream at the insanity that grows
In circles and spirals and cones and squares
Within my room, inside my head, thumping in these pale veins
That have grown weary of the abuse.
Have you ever listened to the silence?
The suffocation is enough to take my breath away
But just when I think it's over, the tension crosses over
Kicking open the floodgates of everything that's never been shown
And i'm free, free to fly and in that glorious moment
The body loses meaning and it's me, my soul and my God
The God that knows nothing, except everything.

Soulmates

A stoic face stares
Millions of stars and they're nver the same
An angel made of moonlight hums
The sky reflects a pair of twinkling eyes
Lesser gods have been born
On this land that never stops to weep
And when the callousness of it all seems to spiral
Out of control, out of reach
You step forward
As if out of the wisp of a tiny feather
Smooth, frail, yet strong enough to weather any storm
And i could have sworn ive known you before
Somewhere between the curtained folds of time
Not once, not twice, but every single time
And the culmination of it all
Summed up in the touch of your finger
On my nape
Brushed ever so slightly.

Go

Through our frail belief in magic
I remember how we made the world look small
Our hands following light green constellations
We watched how our time was crashing down on us.

Suffocated - we clawed our way out
I stayed, waited - subdued yet assured
In your strength and my stubborn stance
On everything that finally turned out to be false.

And there is nothing in me that hasn't been yours
There is no rebellion that wasn't once our cause
There is no shame in what's been lost
And there is no way i'll let you have the last laugh!


" Hmmmm.... So this one's to the bygones... People meet... Have a lot of fun... Then shit happens... And then you go your seperate ways... Simple enough right? Except what do you do with the part of themselves that they've conveniently left behind with you??! "

Its About Him (though it may not sound like it)

Drowning visage of a sweeping sky
Ornamented barely, simply
Like the flourish of an artist's brush
The clouds curl and swagger... Unaware and uncaring.

The foothold eludes each unsure step
Pools of amber implore
Tug ever so lightly and clasp
At a reality that's cunningly warped.

Misguided heretics
Limping god of anarchy
Monstrous apostles
Lurching disciples
"Watch the false vengeance -
Of a lost generation."

She seems disenchanted
Worrying over intricacies
Unimportant
And she knows it.
Disquiet bubbling into exasperation
She loves, hates, messes up and skipping...
Dissolves into the dipping horizon
Of the glittering night sky.

Hysteria Zipped

Rickety stools and benches marked,
Blackboard's wiped and the room's stark,
Light streaming in through fractured glass,
Fears repressed as the confusions starts.

Tick tock goes the forced clock,
Time's conical existance unlocked,
Tentative thoughts slip under the rock,
I'll make up my mind when you stop.

Life lessons are yet to be unlearned
Feeble voices within left unheard
The black sheep's following a lost herd
You could change yourself as life unfurls.

"And yet the soul dies every night
Only so you could wake her up -
Every time."

Viscious Circles

Clamouring thoughts demand attention

Images of you, unnecessary distortion

As reality waits with its head bowed

I long to run away to safer places

As reality approaches steadily

I wish for our childish illusions to stay

Would love to give what I'm holding back

If you could accept the morals I lack

Would hate to give you up again

If only this moment would forever remain

Love. Need. Prayer. Friend. Love

Viscious Circles consume what's left.

Apathy on a Sunday Morning

Across the ocean lies a second chance
Underneath a roof, above the broken mask
Tokens of remembrance scattered around
Consume what's left of a hapless mind

Listless hands search for something to break
As malice churns out of an endless void
A distended dignity comes slowly undone
The soul degrades while the sun burns

The Holy Father weeps for an abandoned heir
As on a peaceful Sunday spent in seclusion
Merely rise to make an empty statement
And flowers wilt when butterflies are killed

The bosom craves to feel real pain
Confused about forsaken love to numbness
Unchanged are the vows, only people
As make believe morphs to destiny

And here you shall stand till eternity or so
Waiting for the ship to come in...

A Fruitless Wait

I sit beside the ocean waiting
But the black waves tumble and die
I wonder if I could stall this ending
The lazy clouds stray across my sky
And I trust this vengeance for it is true
Endless conversations have gone stolen
I trust your word for it is my truth
Ill take myself home when you're done
One time, two time, three time, four
The slashes ooze unbidden rage
If I could rewrite our twisted lore
The fallen angle wouldn't be disgraced
So you can take back all the words you say
I'll still remain your unnamed whore
And if I live each day silently away
Do I still not bring this death close?