Dazed and Lonely.

I feel like I'm walking through doors all the time. In and out. Doors heavily ornate some, others plain and simple with a little doorbell that goes ding! All of them open and close to little pockets in my mind, where I find little peace and a lot of doubts. Flaring up to the slightest indication of loss, holding on to tattered pages of history that almost everyone's so happily forgotten, how dare they. I'm not supposed to pee on you and make you mine, no? Territorial rights can be sketchy sometimes and I haven't yet learnt to handle them with adequate grace and dignity. Sharing a bed helps. Memories of vague intercepted mail, don't.

And the weariness of my addled mind just adds to the aging cage that is the body, making it difficult to breathe in this thick, knotted atmosphere. There's nowhere to go but huddle in the corner of a borrowed room and let the dreams fill you up till you forget you're dreaming, and then some. Mottled ropes of twine I feel like, about to collapse without warning, straining against the mouldy wall for support, sighing dramatically, till I'm sufficiently depressed enough to be happy. Oh I'm a keeper, yessuh.

Free verse

Reticent. Pushed up against a stone cold wall. Your palm tracing windtrails across my hair and you whisper little words. Words that I already know. It's as if the globe's falling in a huge arc and we're falling into it, breakneck speed and whirling feet, we go straight into the centre of it all, your eyes on mine, and our fingertips crushed together. Point of contact.

And there are trusty sidekicks stalking backyards and graves - toilet trained, dizzy made, help upright by one thought. A search for that something MORE. And I see you walk away from it. Knowing it full in the face, I see you running away from ideals and traces of color that shade collective, trusting, incompetent minds.

And I'm somewhere at the pinnacle. Slights and rage, trysts and haze, your resounding chuckle saved away. It's as if I don't know what I'm doing but how could I not? You're telling me. Again. Repeatedly. Like slippery pearls on the floor that run away from you. I could be wrong except that I'm not. But suddenly you tip and I fall at once, compliant.

Little Nothings

And the chapters seem to end before they begin

Makes you want to not write anymore

Memories subvert

Correlations forgotten,

I wonder what your mind reads into it

The illusions that resurface every third day

It's all too obvious isn't it?

Sweet salvation in another's pain.

There are worlds we choose to ignore

Lost in our own translations

Of what could be and what could have been

There are worlds we choose to forget.

Fragrant is the air tonight with little nothings

Rains that come hither and flee

Cold waves of unwanted misery

This winter hurts me so.

Little Things

They tower over us, these placid rocks

It's funny when they speak so small

Think smaller, get your mind muddled

And then where do you go?

It's not that I don't comprehend

I'd rather ignore the obvious for my peace.

We have no space to live

When our souls are cluttered so

When your tongue's this sharp so

When my eyes are narrowed so.

It's not that I cant see

I just prefer make believe

Don't you?

I'm left with no words to rhyme

It's probably time, taking me down with it

A worrisome companion

I lag.

It's not that I cant hear you calling

I'd rather come of my own accord.

You leaned into me tonight

And after so long, I felt my breath get caught

An unsteady step can only take you so far

But it took me to you.

It's not that I cant live without you

It's just that I'd rather not.

Moonshine

We need some moonshine tonight

Alone and lonely and alone

We need some moonshine tonight

As the runaway stops to roam.

And home is not the place to be

Tires that grind gravel like clouds

The wind that wants to slyly touch

Touch our burning skin

Sights waiting to be understood

Awakened, if you like

From their perilous slumber deaths...

Home surely can wait tonight.

Country folk save much to spare

Not even a fleeting glance

Dusty boots and rancid clothes

We would like a moment

Of naked humility

When we dance among ourselves

Bodies slithering, hands fumbling

Eyes riveted to the starless sky.

We give you free wisdom, we give you free love

We give you everything you want

If you will not touch our souls.

We give you our dreams, we give you our passion,

We give you everything you need

If you will not break our dolls.

And we need some moonshine tonight

To walk where we will, fill our spiritless minds

We want some moonshine tonight

To bring us back home.

Dunno When This Happened

What is Truth?

A momentary grasp of the ever elesuive Real
A glimmer of red juicy light in a kaliedoscope of tears
A silence between the lover and her beloved
A hand reahing out, a head away, turned.

The velvety liquid between her legs
The rejection faced third time over
The vault that never opens
The sigh that escapes inspite, despite....

How many times before you break?
How many saves before they miss?

The moon's light shines only as much
What illuminates our direction then?
The music plays only as much
What gives solace then?

Give me color and a brush
I'll paint over your words...

Hayo...

Pieces of paper they are
Tear them up and they are gone

Towers of cards they are
Tip them and they fall

They tell us not to act out
To make believe it's alright
When its not.

They say it's not in our place to be God
But I don't see Him around now and then
Would you like to be Him
Just this once?

Let's play a game, save a dame
Distress calls go unheard
The motifs stay clear
Of the ongoing drama.

Why don't you say a word
When it could make all the difference
I may not be the shy type
But I don not like these silent confrontations.

I dream of wars when I lie next to you
I see your face in the crowd
I see them walking away
I see opportunities ungrasped

I'm learning to shut my eyes, close my heart
And ignore the waysides.

Bitter Bitter Me

Do you understand bitterness?

When it seeps into your feet

Twisting itself around the ankles

Creeping onto your thighs

Grabbing you by the navel

Gathering storm in the chest

And then finally punches you right in face.

Do you taste it in your mouth?

The sour leftovers of words undoable

The sweet tasting victory of rage

The bile rising up from unrequited loves.

Do you not recognize it?

In the lines on your face

In the lives of those who are but dead

In the dark clouds empty of rain.

Do you suffocate in it's loud presence

Or do you lash out in blind disdain

I have burned in white flames

But what about the stains.

When did we fall so low

That we can now not stand

And fight?

Far away

Kinetic thoughts in a static minefield

The world's going to dust as we dream

Unforseen attacks on my bubblewrap consciousness

A hint of tragedy in a jar of sunshine.

Why do we sleep when we could be making love?

Defeated

Thwarting forward intenions

Mistaken identities walk free

Jaded by quests for unattainable power

Souls warp.

Content in her misery she stays

Forward and backward

The rhythm always the same

She laughs when she bleeds.

He's wary but tired

A penchant for the ugly

He stares bewitched

When she stumbles listless.

One man's fall, another man's pride

One woman's disgrace, a man'sprize.

Where does the river take us

Are you willing to find out?

I want a Revolution

i want to leave my foot prints on clouds
fade within your deepest breath
melt inside your tightest embrace
fold within your soul and become
you.

roses left to starve
mind games yet to start
i lay on my side of the bed
waiting.

cold waves of a dying revolution
cradled in wounded arms
who are they to talk,
when we've barely begun?

and the tears fall insistant
claiming history and a sure future
gently falling into your lap
untidy.

surely you jest
when you say my name
surely it is wrong
when they are right.

there is this road seldom trodden
i want to be that road.

hmm

and i love the bits of sky

that flit between

the greena bandon

sprwaling expanses that last

for a moment

too less

as we speed past

not knowing

unforgiving.

its not that we don't know

it's not that we're pretending

it's not that we stray

it's just life.

iLike

fat puppies
with floppy ears.
sleeping cats
with their swishing
tails.
sigh

chocolate icecreams
with bournvita powder toppings
and gems.
yumm

curly hair.
collars open at the
throat.
rolled up sleeves.
nonchalance n sarcasm.
heartbeat stopping
smiles.

the sound of
distorted crunchy guitars
make me so wet.

wild sex
and talking
in the
afterglow.

i know i'll hear you
when the lights go out.

Rendevouz with the Kryptos boys

A few photos I clicked of them this weekend.

hey you....

i love the sound of your name, like a heartbeat it waits, pulsing on my lips. and i love this waiting and the fact that i know you're waiting too, for a little something, a little everything.

so i hope you'll understand what's not being said here

and i hope you'll know and hear and see what's hidden here

because time's running out

and there's little i can say

that i wouldn't take back later....

Him again

Frailty encompasses in a thick shroud
Bound to immorality, a scapegoat
Your life, your thought
Immeasurable to a point
"I hate it when you forget..."

And there are choices that we made
Holding us prisoners in little black boxes
And if we could step out for a moment
I bet I could hear your mind again.

And our words remain etched
In deep recesses
Ready to burst out
At a moment's notice
Destroying everything in it's wake
"I hate it when I remember..."

Finish me off
Before I submit
Choked for air
Occupied, owned, resurrected
From thin air
I stand
Incomplete...

horny

Kites and ties, love and dime
Race and games, cry and shame
Whores and stores, men and gore
Trade and made, hid and said.

I want you in the weirdest of times...

mirror mirror on the wall

i know it's somewhere in me
lying forgotten
the dust that's settled and grown...
covered and sown...

and i dont remember
the last time
i actually looked at myself
without looking away...

the words that come and go
your eyes that love and... love...
and suddenly i have everything...

i wish i knew
what i'm trying to complain about...

"i want to feel beautiful for just one day and then i'll probably think of letting everything go..."

on a totally unrelated note -
college sucks. too much work. no time. no interest!
life sucks. too many people. no time. no interest!

On The Road

Haven't felt this quite in so long

A new peace and an old song

Watching the roads below us run

As the lights disappear and the winds hum.

And its bittersweet, coming back

Pictureframes already fading into black

Your voice resounding through this crippling distance

How much longer till you are back?

Living with, breathing without

Tides of love on this shore of life

And I break free of shackles and watch

The long road beneath us run.

My Neverland

A circle closing in fast
Differences relived from the past
Serenity in a tight shut jar
Meander in our fields from afar.

A sun dipping low in the river
Crystals fall on every step closer
Boats glide on to neither there or here
Senses shut down and they whisper a prayer.

And its in Neverland I used to hum
My little, forgotten tune
A snag in the time-space continuum
Now the memory lies in ruin.