Sunday, December 26, 2010

Kat.

i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate yo i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Take Me With You.

1.

The candles sing a tender song

Under my lover's desk, casting silhouettes

On my weeping self.

Under there, I reach an epiphany of sorts

I can't see them, until they sing.

My birds have nowhere to go

Until you sing.


2.

This body wastes

Long runs in black stockings new

Lying next to the shoes that you're hurriedly putting on.

Scared of the memories that are slipping

Right away at the Goodbye.

Maybe he'll forget

he was here.

I wouldn't lie to you, no

I'm scared.


3.

Awaiting anonymous arms

Anonymous nights

With anonymous songs.

Some lessons yet to be learnt

Awaiting new love

In some stranger's arms.

Yet I might look for a letter

Now and then

Bearing your signature

And that unforgettable scent.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Dear Manooo :)

And we're like sunsets
Descending in spirals
Cascades of color
Mirrors turned inwards.

And we drift mostly
Coming back hitting dead ends
Lonely brushes of paint against a wall
We drift.

And we're musical tonight
Sights set at the coastline of a dying city
We'll sing
When everyone else sleeps.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Nothingness

I think I'm leaving a trail so you'd catch up. Shared portraits and croaked lyrics. Mistake after regret after mistake. You'd think there's a trail to follow.

And it comes and goes. Somewhere our decisions collide between bursts of sleep. Somewhere you wait to think to act. Somewhere our dreams are slipping away. Nothingness.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Curious

It waits tonight
Undercurrents of stray passions
Mingling into shadows of the night
While we weave in and out
Treading crumbling boundaries
On tiptoe. Tiptoe.

She made giggles and words appear on cue,
I swear I still think about you
With eyes wide open
And a heart quite small.

But it’s a little curious isn’t it
Your enforced silence
Sound asleep in corners of a dream
A touch here, his breath sparse
And he slowly hates it,
Dead love and a few wine bottles.

Monday, December 6, 2010

It's official.

I don't like you.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Small. Small. Lives.


I got lost tonight. In your light, my blight.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

What I Know and You Don't


Contrary to what you may think, I am no goldmine. I'm a lost soul flaying about in a fishbowl, like in that song, only alone. Contrary to what you see, I am not happy. I lose butterflies in the sand and simply watch from under kohl margined eyes. Contrary to what you've heard, I don't say much. I wait for your words to reach me and then disappear. You'd like to know me, I know. But aren't we terribly short of time?

Yours Truly.



Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Hope's the word for the day


I'll meet you in dreams, then?
you could choose me.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Parting Words To A Dying Night



And I made you some promises, didn’t I?
And we’ve cut some good days, some bad
Because somewhere I let your voice get the better of me
And now we’re getting to the end of it all.

And I made you my world, didn’t I?
Poetic bluff on a Sunday morning
Because someday we’ll be bigger than right now
And maybe we’ll meet again.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

the boy who's never supposed to die is actually a chimp

Tethered to your hook
I walk in spirals
Made foolish
Made green
Made bitter and mean.

Where you walk I follow
Peacock feathers and pen in hair
I spend nothing but sighs
Pitiful sighs.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Come-back.

I know its too late to still be around
I know its a madcap world going round in fury
I know I'm losing my mind with every breath you take
I know.

Somewhere I'm saying goodbye to you
Somewhere the pain's receding
Somewhere you and I are bound to relent
But not here
Not now.

Monday, July 12, 2010

What happens when you decide you want to be an adult?

It's like jumping from one island to another and then there's deep, dark, water all around you, waiting to pull you in.

"You should drown with me," HE croons.

"I'm scared of depth you idiot."

Sunset Boulevard

i like creating images. i set them up - rearview mirror glances, purple sunsets and city silhouettes, sullen boys in dusty corners, a girl with no shadow on a train to nowhere - where do they all come from? i see moths circling the lone streetlight and i think fire and ice. i see you staring into the distance and i think black pellets of rain. i see god and i think pain.

i like creating images. i want to see them unfurl into blank portions of time, filling it up, like a jug of water that fills a little cup. ghosts dont get rid of themselves, you see. peacemakers, lovers, painters - they celebrate them ghosts. i dont like to look at it that way. what's to celebrate. you leave behind what's gone and you create new pictures. its freshman year now and suddenly you've graduated and out looking for a job. i dont like to look back, no.

but i like to create images.

Friday, June 18, 2010

It's all about getting that quick fix now.

Like minded, side stepping stones
That turn you upside down
Naked in the rain
You drown within your own grasp
Making no move to escape
Stuck to the ground
Where only you and I can see
How things are meant to be
Done.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Free verse

Reticent. Pushed up against a stone cold wall. Your palm tracing windtrails across my hair and you whisper little words. Words that I already know. It's as if the globe's falling in a huge arc and we're falling into it, breakneck speed and whirling feet, we go straight into the centre of it all, your eyes on mine, and our fingertips crushed together. Point of contact.

And there are trusty sidekicks stalking backyards and graves - toilet trained, dizzy made, help upright by one thought. A search for that something MORE. And I see you walk away from it. Knowing it full in the face, I see you running away from ideals and traces of color that shade collective, trusting, incompetent minds.

And I'm somewhere at the pinnacle. Slights and rage, trysts and haze, your resounding chuckle saved away. It's as if I don't know what I'm doing but how could I not? You're telling me. Again. Repeatedly. Like slippery pearls on the floor that run away from you. I could be wrong except that I'm not. But suddenly you tip and I fall at once, compliant.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Knowing that you're left behind
An idle heart, an occupied mind.

I caught your smile
And let go.































Sunday, April 25, 2010

Fallacies of the night
Shadows closing in slow, time churning outward
Spiral bliss, tonal disarrangements
Awaiting results, your smile.

Somewhere you sit, deep in thought
Won't you call out, so I can come take you home?


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Used.

Enter slowly they say
When fresh souls meet
Under blankets of misery
Enter slow.

Wet words, empty riddles,
A radiant moon
The instructions are simple
And yet we fell somewhere.
Again.

You
Save, drop, strike, leave
You
Don't pass
You
Don't let go
You
Forget too easily
And You
Don't really care.

But it's a fine line we're treading
Used, abused, reused
Stay a while longer
And you could've seen
Something inside
Bright and shiny
Slowly beginning to fade.

Karma.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Forlorn

Its been quiet the enervating week. From driving down Bangalore roads at 1:00 a.m. to dinner plans that ALWAYS run late to waiting around dull corners at dull streets with only Steven Wilson and the Bellamy boy for company - I long for a bed that's just mine.

V thinks I get carried away too easily. It's true to a point. I need something else to focus on than people. Which is why I am starting driving lessons next week. Apart from the reason that I need to learn to drive so I can soonly get a car and then shall I terrorize the pedestrians of the city. -smirk-

The days are spinning out of my hand in quick succession, leaping out in reds and greens and transcient blacks and I keep running into a giant wall every time I even begin to wonder if all this is heading somewhere. I should be home. The hidden blue walls, that green curtain that hides just about nothing, the quilt that is never dry, Slash calling to me from over my head, the flame throwing pink lamp, Chai's presence in absence, Mum's impish grin, Dad's giant hugs - it's all tugging incessantly but here I am, convinced that my place is here, in this city that refuses to let me be.

And you sang last evening. Something fervent, something tragic, something yearning. Dewdrop smiles and split second laughter. All captured and stored. You are the only reason I'm still here. It's strange that what gives meaning to this moment, is the same reason that's leading me away from any semblance of reality or normalcy, rendering my existence quiet obsolete for now. Maybe it's my imagination. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's Fate. Yeah right.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Edits

* Walking down Commercial Street, while it's raining, is the bestesht way to spend a lazy evening. Especially with the mad bunch that I hang out with.

* I am technologically challenged as well. Took me fifteen minutes to figure Twitter out.

* Heartache's overrated.

* Maybe a new haircut would help, yes?

* Musicians are hot. I cannot get over it. -shakes head- Nopes. Definitely can't get over it.

* I'm stalking Neil Gaiman. He's funny.

* Never leave wallet out of sight. Especially before getting stuck with three idiots for the night.

* I dreamt of a giant bee. And I remembered you. And I remembered my foolishness. And I smiled.

* Pretty boys are pissing me off.

* Vimal's a Christmas tree post Christmas.

And I wish you wouldn't grow up

Friday, April 9, 2010

Pillow Talk

And it's the same fuckin night but a different song. It's as if I never left your room - that room where the sunlight is always too much. I kept my promise, you see. I stood up for who I believed I am. But you laugh. And I cant stop foolishly admitting my love to you, like you don't already know, like you haven't thrown it back in my face. It's a broken world I suppose - a million little pieces in a pool of dark velvety blood that's oozing out of a collective heart. It's a dead baby lying in its crimson cradle.

And the music doesn't leave me still. Like my pulse that refuses to stop even if I pretend to live - it refuses to pretend to die. It follows me within every person I love. In you- with your gorgeous hair and big puppy eyes and the scars that haunt. In you - my storyteller from beyond, my soulcruiser. In you - the pretty boy with a guitar and the goofiest little grin. And in you - my friend, my mentor, the boy who'll never die. So if one of you could pick me up from where I'm sitting here and point me to where I need to be, I'll follow the music and be alright somehow.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

That I couldn't protect you from getting hurt was hard enough to deal with. Knowing that I'm a part of everything that's breaking you slowly, has killed my fickle heart one last time.

And if I could be who you wanted, if I was the boy you think I am, I would hold you in my arms, look after you and NEVER let you out of my sight.


I see you and I see you are fragile. Yet like the last leaf that will never fly, you are resilient. I imagine your heart, punctured and brimming with all things beautiful, all things hope. And if you would believe just for a second that you are the most gorgeous woman I know, if you could just love yourself the way I loved you that night in the midst of all that chaos, I would rest easy for that one second and be happy.

I've felt your scars, both inside and out. I have felt them throbbing, a pattern of your heart on your skin, I've felt them cry out. And as the moon drew a path across us, you sat next to me, weary, cold and so far away in your head that you probably never heard a word I said. And what could I have said that could have changed the way you felt?

I love you.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

You must be all I need to remind myself that I don't need to be anyone else but me.

Sunday, March 28, 2010



I carry your song like I carry your kiss
In my heart
Hidden from prying eyes.

I carry your song till forever and I
Promise
Not to let go.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

You are too far away now
So far away that I cannot hear your heart
So far away that your goodness seems a mirage
So far away that I stumble with every step I take.

And you waver sometimes
Cracks that appear on no wall
Paint my heart with strangled lines.
Wasted words of prayer from my childhood
Instantly jumping to my lips
Caressing the air
Like a lover's whip
To what avail.


Started writing this two days back. Cant finish it anymore. So that's that

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

And as the bass line hits my ear, I look down and see my hands shaking. What do you know about music, he said. You should see my hands.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

There are no words to put to this need. This raging heat inside that's growing into long, thick, all consuming, purple flames, that should turn me into ash in a moment. But all it does is keep on growing inside, licked into a frenzy that my body, long since, has forgotten to control.

I try hard to stamp it out. Cover it up in a blanket. Throw gallon after gallon of water on it. Ignore it. Fight it. And yet, I succumb, dearly hanging on to it, giving it new life with every breath I take.

It's your name really. It goes on like a chant in my head. Over and over again. And it has grown bigger than you and me put together. That two syllable word that can put a smile in my eyes and pain in my heart.


I would like to be touched
Your hands that linger where I want them to
Your breath on my eyelids
And your lips on my cheek
For a moment
That's it.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Friday, February 5, 2010

Muzik

We just let them through
These plastic sounds that mean nothing
Nerve cells unmeshed
Stoic static, there's no story telling

Velvet monotones going nowhere permanent
Palms on headphones and eyes on the floor
A fetish for the mechanic
We writhe to the obscure.

And it's no coincidence, this place we're at
Cliff hanging by a nail
We laugh
With our heads thrown back.

Regret left for the cock eyed.