A Hundred Times

It happened so quickly. Pressed against the wall, your hands locking me down, all I saw was a blur. I could hear you take short, sharp intakes of breath while I dared not even blink. Your eyes burned into my bowed head and I fidgeted till you quietened me the only way you knew how. You leaned in until every inch of me acknowledged your presence. When I finally looked up to meet your gaze, you slipped your hands into my hair, softly stroking them and I died for the hundredth time. You didn't stop there though, oh and how I hoped and wished you wouldn't, and you didn't. Your lips nudged and teased my earlobe, traveled down to my neck, licked the entire length of it with a slow and deliberate trawl and you stopped right then letting your lips rest on my nape, while you let me catch my breath for a moment. Your eyes shut tight, you had your lips pressed hard against my skin, waiting as I made up my mind for the hundreth time but only this time this wasn't a dream. And it was with that realization that I sank to the floor, but you stayed there, watching me bite my lips in confusion. What happened next, I won't ever understand, but there I was on the stone, cold floor with the man I had hopelessly given my heart to a hundred times over, disappearing into the glowing dust that danced in the faint afternoon light.

And there I was waking up from a dream I've just about escaped from a hundred times and more.

Between your conscience and mine

lies bare the deluge of soiled clothes and karma.

Sunbathing in the light

of coldblooded sin, pleading

guilty of love and nothing less,

truculence as addictive as soap operas,

I spread my legs and you, your bashful acceptance.

The Dreaming Shows Good Things.

Love is the little dry leaf

Inside your desk

Where a folded tissue accompanies

Other motley assortments

That you possess.

You've creeped into my morning dreams. Is this a sign? I'll let that pass for now.

- I've decided to leave the door ajar. You could be entering or leaving, as long as we're moving onward, forward. Yes? Because only now do I see some faint distinction between love and relationships. Some misconstrued conversations and several nights later, I've decided to leave the door ajar, so you could do with me as you please. Because only now do I see that I'm in love, not for the first time, no, but there's something here I would like to watch transpire. Strange morning dreams indicate happiness if I'm reading them right. And you, you knowitall God of all things, you I shall worship from my own brittle pedestal of steel. Because only now do I see the truth in your words. The truth that I see falling from the evening skies outside our home. This is meant to be.

Why not, right?

You don't know how lovely You are.

I collect comfort memories. Pockets of warm happiness and gentle companionship - like cherished second hand paperbacks, these come around quite rarely. Last night, you handed me one. Just like that, just by being there. All I remember is how your skin tasted, half breathing, half dreaming. I shared your travels in that moment, miraculous and humble at the same time. I touched a dormant fire, knowing one day I'll burn in its natural wrath. But last night, all I felt was its feathertouch warmth, glowing yellow and red, carrying me gently onward to quiet slumber.

Hungry days and Horny Nights

I see you

Perched precariously

On a little gargoyle

Seamlessly floating

Against the blue blue wind.

If you were a canvas, I'd paint you foreverblue and throw in some fevicol for effect.

I see you

Hourglass in hand

Eyes shut to the dreaming

Drowning

In the blackness that is your soul.

And a single flame burns, while I wait, night after crimson night, songs falling from a listless heart.

I see you

Flailing body, swaying

To a rainy beat

Pitter patter

Your feet tremble.

Aren't we lucky you have a magic wand that goes pop?

I see you

Peeping in from the other end

Of your skewed pair

Of looking glasses

Pensive and brown

And I pretend to not watch when you're dying in your box.

My psycho heart etc. etc.

Our scars match, visible or not. Physical reality's as overrated as any other pseudo interests we may have. And we forget where our loyalties lie. We forget so soon.

i.

A broken piece of a song walks inside of you

And it's made a secret place for itself

Hazy sorrow and quiet longing

You're filled with autumn leaves and glass beads

That flow away with the winter rain.

ii.

She lies uncoiled, awaiting luck

And other fickle friends

A dark night flooding red

She embraces, with an unpoised charm

That ruined many a heart.

He's quiet for the most part

Indulgent to a point

But not reckless like you'd want men to be

And there's that little painsizedhole

That she's always trying to not see

But watches wearily anyway.

And she's downed a far too many

Not knowing what to say

Green bottles stacked against the wall

The paint's peeling off her face

But she's only thinking of his gentle ways.

And he knows what she's remembering

The halfdreamhalfreal vision from past morning

Cos he reads her like she's the God's book

Every line on her face that she's so desperate to hide

He reads her like she's the book divine.

But there's only so much to tell

Before ghosts reappear and seize everything back

She needs an obsession new

And he's far too tired to pursue.

So before he could make a plausible excuse

She takes the knife and plows it through.

And redstainedcarpets are a bother enough

Without a body to haul and a heart to rip off

So he quietly picks himself up

Takes not a single image to remember

And walks himself out with a cat in tow.

iii.

And any other night we'd all be asleep

Dreaming of hippie littered beaches

And black shiny rainbows from hell.

But tonight's something else, oh yes

We're giving the world a skip

And hitching a ride to the moon

Where the stars are just a little brighter

And our souls far behind in the dustbins.

Permanence

It’s all stop gap, my heart

Split second reverie

And a canoe shaped moon.

It’s only survival, at best

Paper cut love

No nonsense, no.

Its quite a revelation

Deep fears

You know less, every time.

It’s however no mystery

This patience

We are just passing by.

Take Me With You.

1.

The candles sing a tender song

Under my lover's desk, casting silhouettes

On my weeping self.

Under there, I reach an epiphany of sorts

I can't see them, until they sing.

My birds have nowhere to go

Until you sing.

2.

This body wastes

Long runs in black stockings new

Lying next to the shoes that you're hurriedly putting on.

Scared of the memories that are slipping

Right away at the Goodbye.

Maybe he'll forget

he was here.

I wouldn't lie to you, no

I'm scared.

3.

Awaiting anonymous arms

Anonymous nights

With anonymous songs.

Some lessons yet to be learnt

Awaiting new love

In some stranger's arms.

Yet I might look for a letter

Now and then

Bearing your signature

And that unforgettable scent.

Little Things

They tower over us, these placid rocks

It's funny when they speak so small

Think smaller, get your mind muddled

And then where do you go?

It's not that I don't comprehend

I'd rather ignore the obvious for my peace.

We have no space to live

When our souls are cluttered so

When your tongue's this sharp so

When my eyes are narrowed so.

It's not that I cant see

I just prefer make believe

Don't you?

I'm left with no words to rhyme

It's probably time, taking me down with it

A worrisome companion

I lag.

It's not that I cant hear you calling

I'd rather come of my own accord.

You leaned into me tonight

And after so long, I felt my breath get caught

An unsteady step can only take you so far

But it took me to you.

It's not that I cant live without you

It's just that I'd rather not.

Dunno When This Happened

What is Truth?

A momentary grasp of the ever elesuive Real
A glimmer of red juicy light in a kaliedoscope of tears
A silence between the lover and her beloved
A hand reahing out, a head away, turned.

The velvety liquid between her legs
The rejection faced third time over
The vault that never opens
The sigh that escapes inspite, despite....

How many times before you break?
How many saves before they miss?

The moon's light shines only as much
What illuminates our direction then?
The music plays only as much
What gives solace then?

Give me color and a brush
I'll paint over your words...

Hayo...

Pieces of paper they are
Tear them up and they are gone

Towers of cards they are
Tip them and they fall

They tell us not to act out
To make believe it's alright
When its not.

They say it's not in our place to be God
But I don't see Him around now and then
Would you like to be Him
Just this once?

Let's play a game, save a dame
Distress calls go unheard
The motifs stay clear
Of the ongoing drama.

Why don't you say a word
When it could make all the difference
I may not be the shy type
But I don not like these silent confrontations.

I dream of wars when I lie next to you
I see your face in the crowd
I see them walking away
I see opportunities ungrasped

I'm learning to shut my eyes, close my heart
And ignore the waysides.

Far away

Kinetic thoughts in a static minefield

The world's going to dust as we dream

Unforseen attacks on my bubblewrap consciousness

A hint of tragedy in a jar of sunshine.

Why do we sleep when we could be making love?

I want a Revolution

i want to leave my foot prints on clouds
fade within your deepest breath
melt inside your tightest embrace
fold within your soul and become
you.

roses left to starve
mind games yet to start
i lay on my side of the bed
waiting.

cold waves of a dying revolution
cradled in wounded arms
who are they to talk,
when we've barely begun?

and the tears fall insistant
claiming history and a sure future
gently falling into your lap
untidy.

surely you jest
when you say my name
surely it is wrong
when they are right.

there is this road seldom trodden
i want to be that road.

hey you....

i love the sound of your name, like a heartbeat it waits, pulsing on my lips. and i love this waiting and the fact that i know you're waiting too, for a little something, a little everything.

so i hope you'll understand what's not being said here

and i hope you'll know and hear and see what's hidden here

because time's running out

and there's little i can say

that i wouldn't take back later....

Sunset ports with chasing boats
Right wing lords out for a quick vote
First raindrops to a summer old
A rat's world, there's a straight road.

"When the world's sleeping
I dream of you."

On The Road

Haven't felt this quite in so long

A new peace and an old song

Watching the roads below us run

As the lights disappear and the winds hum.

And its bittersweet, coming back

Pictureframes already fading into black

Your voice resounding through this crippling distance

How much longer till you are back?

Living with, breathing without

Tides of love on this shore of life

And I break free of shackles and watch

The long road beneath us run.

Breathing Now

Like the sun that radiates innocence at dawn

Like the purity of fresh, unabated pain

Like the first steps to an unconditional faith

Like the roads that take you home

You.

A dress with a tear that only you can see

A mistletoe waiting for a new, wet kiss

A broken kaliedoscope - unused

A bird that's forgotten to sing

This world that's trying to breathe.

And I fear I've forgotten to dream

The mist strays too low

And I can see you holding your hand out

Way too far

And I said I'd never compromise

I misjudged

And I wished for a happy ending

When I flung myself over a steel rail.

But now I'm flying

Would you like to fly with me?

A Blue Evening

A full moon's light cast its slippery blanket upon us
And there were fireworks and a thundering rhythm of drums...



Lips travelling down my neck
Your breath making its way to me
A possessive arm around my waist
While the other roamed free.
And right then, time was lost
Two identities dissolving into one
And life ceased to mean anything much
Other than your love, other than THIS now.



You fill me with a desire that I didn't know I possessed
My thirsty soul could drown happily in your arms
A frenzy art of limbs and blur
Colors vibrate in the moist atmosphere.


And there are nights you rob me of my sleep
Dreams of rapture, your skin against a burning mine
Misty eyed I wake - waiting, hoping, dreaming
For it's your arms I seek, your touch I need.



And I wish I could say I've figured you out
But everytime I get comfortable
Your leg slyly steps in, tripping me
And I fall obligingly all over again...

Dreaming On

I wish I lived in a trailer
With pretty yellow curtains
And a clean silver sink.
With a bunk bed of two levels
And a radio right next to it.

I would park it on a low lying hill
And when I peer out of my window
I'll see a tiny pond
With ducks, bullfrogs and blue lotuses.

I would travel all day through muddy, matted roads
To see the forests and the frost.
At night, I'll come back to my little hill
To wait for you to drop in.

It'll be like playing "house" like we did -
When we were young.
You can be Daddy and I'll be Ma.
Or you could be the Prince
Courting the Princess
Rescuing the damsel in distress. =)

Sigh.
I wish I lived in a trailer
I'd paint it green and yellow
And I'd fly it to the moon and back
And I'd take you with me as well.

Introspect

Quite. Still.

Lost. Restless.

Within my little world.

And many have trodeen in and out.

And many have left. And many pushed to leaving.

And still some have stayed. Few. Rare.

I open my little diary. Pink. Again.

I know your regrets. I've carried them once.

And there's so much of shame. And there's so much of guilt.

And very little love. Be quiet. Be still.

I share my little heart. You. Here.

I know your touch. I know your taste.

And there's so much to give. So much to live for.

And time seems to be running away. Loud. Restless.

My heart.