Kat.

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Take Me With You.

1.

The candles sing a tender song

Under my lover's desk, casting silhouettes

On my weeping self.

Under there, I reach an epiphany of sorts

I can't see them, until they sing.

My birds have nowhere to go

Until you sing.

2.

This body wastes

Long runs in black stockings new

Lying next to the shoes that you're hurriedly putting on.

Scared of the memories that are slipping

Right away at the Goodbye.

Maybe he'll forget

he was here.

I wouldn't lie to you, no

I'm scared.

3.

Awaiting anonymous arms

Anonymous nights

With anonymous songs.

Some lessons yet to be learnt

Awaiting new love

In some stranger's arms.

Yet I might look for a letter

Now and then

Bearing your signature

And that unforgettable scent.

Dear Manooo :)

And we're like sunsets

Descending in spirals

Cascades of color

Mirrors turned inwards.

And we drift mostly

Coming back hitting dead ends

Lonely brushes of paint against a wall

We drift.

And we're musical tonight

Sights set at the coastline of a dying city

We'll sing

When everyone else sleeps.

Nothingness

I think I'm leaving a trail so you'd catch up. Shared portraits and croaked lyrics. Mistake after regret after mistake. You'd think there's a trail to follow.

And it comes and goes. Somewhere our decisions collide between bursts of sleep. Somewhere you wait to think to act. Somewhere our dreams are slipping away. Nothingness.

Curious

It waits tonight

Undercurrents of stray passions

Mingling into shadows of the night

While we weave in and out

Treading crumbling boundaries

On tiptoe. Tiptoe.

She made giggles and words appear on cue,

I swear I still think about you

With eyes wide open

And a heart quite small.

But it’s a little curious isn’t it

Your enforced silence

Sound asleep in corners of a dream

A touch here, his breath sparse

And he slowly hates it,

Dead love and a few wine bottles.

It's official.

I don't like you.

Small. Small. Lives.

I got lost tonight. In your light, my blight.

What I Know and You Don't

Contrary to what you may think, I am no goldmine. I'm a lost soul flaying about in a fishbowl, like in that song, only alone. Contrary to what you see, I am not happy. I lose butterflies in the sand and simply watch from under kohl margined eyes. Contrary to what you've heard, I don't say much. I wait for your words to reach me and then disappear. You'd like to know me, I know. But aren't we terribly short of time?

Yours Truly.

Hope's the word for the day

I'll meet you in dreams, then?

you could choose me.

Parting Words To A Dying Night

And I made you some promises, didn’t I?

And we’ve cut some good days, some bad

Because somewhere I let your voice get the better of me

And now we’re getting to the end of it all.

And I made you my world, didn’t I?

Poetic bluff on a Sunday morning

Because someday we’ll be bigger than right now

And maybe we’ll meet again.

the boy who's never supposed to die is actually a chimp

Tethered to your hook
I walk in spirals
Made foolish
Made green
Made bitter and mean.

Where you walk I follow
Peacock feathers and pen in hair
I spend nothing but sighs
Pitiful sighs.

Come-back.

I know its too late to still be around
I know its a madcap world going round in fury
I know I'm losing my mind with every breath you take
I know.

Somewhere I'm saying goodbye to you
Somewhere the pain's receding
Somewhere you and I are bound to relent
But not here

Not now.

What happens when you decide you want to be an adult?

It's like jumping from one island to another and then there's deep, dark, water all around you, waiting to pull you in.

"You should drown with me," HE croons.

"I'm scared of depth you idiot."

Sunset Boulevard

i like creating images. i set them up - rearview mirror glances, purple sunsets and city silhouettes, sullen boys in dusty corners, a girl with no shadow on a train to nowhere - where do they all come from? i see moths circling the lone streetlight and i think fire and ice. i see you staring into the distance and i think black pellets of rain. i see god and i think pain.

i like creating images. i want to see them unfurl into blank portions of time, filling it up, like a jug of water that fills a little cup. ghosts dont get rid of themselves, you see. peacemakers, lovers, painters - they celebrate them ghosts. i dont like to look at it that way. what's to celebrate. you leave behind what's gone and you create new pictures. its freshman year now and suddenly you've graduated and out looking for a job. i dont like to look back, no.

but i like to create images.

It's all about getting that quick fix now.

Like minded, side stepping stones
That turn you upside down
Naked in the rain
You drown within your own grasp
Making no move to escape
Stuck to the ground
Where only you and I can see
How things are meant to be
Done.

Free verse

Reticent. Pushed up against a stone cold wall. Your palm tracing windtrails across my hair and you whisper little words. Words that I already know. It's as if the globe's falling in a huge arc and we're falling into it, breakneck speed and whirling feet, we go straight into the centre of it all, your eyes on mine, and our fingertips crushed together. Point of contact.

And there are trusty sidekicks stalking backyards and graves - toilet trained, dizzy made, help upright by one thought. A search for that something MORE. And I see you walk away from it. Knowing it full in the face, I see you running away from ideals and traces of color that shade collective, trusting, incompetent minds.

And I'm somewhere at the pinnacle. Slights and rage, trysts and haze, your resounding chuckle saved away. It's as if I don't know what I'm doing but how could I not? You're telling me. Again. Repeatedly. Like slippery pearls on the floor that run away from you. I could be wrong except that I'm not. But suddenly you tip and I fall at once, compliant.

Knowing that you're left behind

An idle heart, an occupied mind.

I caught your smile

And let go.

Fallacies of the night

Shadows closing in slow, time churning outward

Spiral bliss, tonal disarrangements

Awaiting results, your smile.

Somewhere you sit, deep in thought

Won't you call out, so I can come take you home?

Used.

Enter slowly they say

When fresh souls meet

Under blankets of misery

Enter slow.

Wet words, empty riddles,

A radiant moon

The instructions are simple

And yet we fell somewhere.

Again.

You

Save, drop, strike, leave

You

Don't pass

You

Don't let go

You

Forget too easily

And You

Don't really care.

But it's a fine line we're treading

Used, abused, reused

Stay a while longer

And you could've seen

Something inside

Bright and shiny

Slowly beginning to fade.

Karma.

Forlorn

Its been quiet the enervating week. From driving down Bangalore roads at 1:00 a.m. to dinner plans that ALWAYS run late to waiting around dull corners at dull streets with only Steven Wilson and the Bellamy boy for company - I long for a bed that's just mine.

V thinks I get carried away too easily. It's true to a point. I need something else to focus on than people. Which is why I am starting driving lessons next week. Apart from the reason that I need to learn to drive so I can soonly get a car and then shall I terrorize the pedestrians of the city. -smirk-

The days are spinning out of my hand in quick succession, leaping out in reds and greens and transcient blacks and I keep running into a giant wall every time I even begin to wonder if all this is heading somewhere. I should be home. The hidden blue walls, that green curtain that hides just about nothing, the quilt that is never dry, Slash calling to me from over my head, the flame throwing pink lamp, Chai's presence in absence, Mum's impish grin, Dad's giant hugs - it's all tugging incessantly but here I am, convinced that my place is here, in this city that refuses to let me be.

And you sang last evening. Something fervent, something tragic, something yearning. Dewdrop smiles and split second laughter. All captured and stored. You are the only reason I'm still here. It's strange that what gives meaning to this moment, is the same reason that's leading me away from any semblance of reality or normalcy, rendering my existence quiet obsolete for now. Maybe it's my imagination. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's Fate. Yeah right.

Edits

* Walking down Commercial Street, while it's raining, is the bestesht way to spend a lazy evening. Especially with the mad bunch that I hang out with.

* I am technologically challenged as well. Took me fifteen minutes to figure Twitter out.

* Heartache's overrated.

* Maybe a new haircut would help, yes?

* Musicians are hot. I cannot get over it. -shakes head- Nopes. Definitely can't get over it.

* I'm stalking Neil Gaiman. He's funny.

* Never leave wallet out of sight. Especially before getting stuck with three idiots for the night.

* I dreamt of a giant bee. And I remembered you. And I remembered my foolishness. And I smiled.

* Pretty boys are pissing me off.

* Vimal's a Christmas tree post Christmas.

And I wish you wouldn't grow up

Pillow Talk

And it's the same fuckin night but a different song. It's as if I never left your room - that room where the sunlight is always too much. I kept my promise, you see. I stood up for who I believed I am. But you laugh. And I cant stop foolishly admitting my love to you, like you don't already know, like you haven't thrown it back in my face. It's a broken world I suppose - a million little pieces in a pool of dark velvety blood that's oozing out of a collective heart. It's a dead baby lying in its crimson cradle.

And the music doesn't leave me still. Like my pulse that refuses to stop even if I pretend to live - it refuses to pretend to die. It follows me within every person I love. In you- with your gorgeous hair and big puppy eyes and the scars that haunt. In you - my storyteller from beyond, my soulcruiser. In you - the pretty boy with a guitar and the goofiest little grin. And in you - my friend, my mentor, the boy who'll never die. So if one of you could pick me up from where I'm sitting here and point me to where I need to be, I'll follow the music and be alright somehow.

That I couldn't protect you from getting hurt was hard enough to deal with. Knowing that I'm a part of everything that's breaking you slowly, has killed my fickle heart one last time.

And if I could be who you wanted, if I was the boy you think I am, I would hold you in my arms, look after you and NEVER let you out of my sight.

I see you and I see you are fragile. Yet like the last leaf that will never fly, you are resilient. I imagine your heart, punctured and brimming with all things beautiful, all things hope. And if you would believe just for a second that you are the most gorgeous woman I know, if you could just love yourself the way I loved you that night in the midst of all that chaos, I would rest easy for that one second and be happy.

I've felt your scars, both inside and out. I have felt them throbbing, a pattern of your heart on your skin, I've felt them cry out. And as the moon drew a path across us, you sat next to me, weary, cold and so far away in your head that you probably never heard a word I said. And what could I have said that could have changed the way you felt?

I love you.

You must be all I need to remind myself that I don't need to be anyone else but me.

I carry your song like I carry your kiss

In my heart

Hidden from prying eyes.

I carry your song till forever and I

Promise

Not to let go.

You are too far away now
So far away that I cannot hear your heart
So far away that your goodness seems a mirage
So far away that I stumble with every step I take.

And you waver sometimes
Cracks that appear on no wall
Paint my heart with strangled lines.
Wasted words of prayer from my childhood
Instantly jumping to my lips
Caressing the air
Like a lover's whip
To what avail.

Started writing this two days back. Cant finish it anymore. So that's that

And as the bass line hits my ear, I look down and see my hands shaking. What do you know about music, he said. You should see my hands.

There are no words to put to this need. This raging heat inside that's growing into long, thick, all consuming, purple flames, that should turn me into ash in a moment. But all it does is keep on growing inside, licked into a frenzy that my body, long since, has forgotten to control.

I try hard to stamp it out. Cover it up in a blanket. Throw gallon after gallon of water on it. Ignore it. Fight it. And yet, I succumb, dearly hanging on to it, giving it new life with every breath I take.

It's your name really. It goes on like a chant in my head. Over and over again. And it has grown bigger than you and me put together. That two syllable word that can put a smile in my eyes and pain in my heart.

I would like to be touched

Your hands that linger where I want them to

Your breath on my eyelids

And your lips on my cheek

For a moment

That's it.

Sometimes

Muzik

We just let them through

These plastic sounds that mean nothing

Nerve cells unmeshed

Stoic static, there's no story telling

Velvet monotones going nowhere permanent

Palms on headphones and eyes on the floor

A fetish for the mechanic

We writhe to the obscure.

And it's no coincidence, this place we're at

Cliff hanging by a nail

We laugh

With our heads thrown back.

Regret left for the cock eyed.